“Tension of Opposite”

Love and hate; good and evil; matter and form – These are some opposing realities in the world which perhaps can never be joined in equal degree and frequency. In principle, one must be superior to the other. These concepts have been unconsciously instilled in our minds, though sometimes correct, but, I think, this would not be accepted as a general truth. If you are influence with such ancient mentality, I was never exempted being imprisoned with such a myopic impression.
When I decided to leave the seminary, I tried to prepare myself to live in the real world, a world of vulnerability and competition. With my little experience, I was quite afraid to leave the portals of the seminary with the thought of how am I going to strike the balance of maintaining my spirituality while striving to search and work for a living. There is an evident tension between life in the ‘outside world’ in contrast with the microcosm of the seminary in which I accustomed to live.
I am now working here in Starjed- a micro finance company whose aim is to provide assistance for those people who wants to start small business for living. But mind you, this is not just an ordinary finance company. Starjed is so peculiar, which, at first, caused me to be amazed since it is not just simply a lending company but it also concerns on spiritual enrichment to its employees and clients. It is a worldly business who wants to help people not only their worldly affairs but more so in their spiritual journey to life. This is a rare reality to think, much more to believe in that every employee is not only preoccupied with business works but they also spend quality time for prayer and meditation. My presence in Starjed is a reason for me to admit that I was absolutely wrong with my preconceive ideas that worldly and spiritual things can never be intertwined.
When people hear Starjed, especially here in Surigao City, this might cause some elements of discussion as to its identity. Again, the tension of opposite is very much obvious; a tension between being worldly yet spiritually known; profit based yet service oriented company. Starjed is gradually working on her outreach programs helping our less privilege brethren alleviate their present sufferings and needs. The music ministry of Starjed is also exceptional as they render their service in singing liturgical songs during Eucharistic celebrations in the Church. We are not the one who made this identity; it is really the people who come in contact with us coined such distinct character. And the company is so blessed of having been known by people of Surigao not solely as a corporate institution but a company committed to collaborate in making real the reign of the Kingdom of God here on earth.
“To God be all the Glory” – a guiding principle of all the employees of Starjed which somewhat has a close paradigm of my patron saint St. Ignatius of Loyola with his famous line “Ad Majorem Die Gloriam” and perhaps the reason why I was employed here in this prestigious company. This principle have been concretely translated in our corporate purpose statement - “To glorify God by being faithful stewards of all that is entrusted to us, to have a positive influence of all who have contact with Starjed”. All these have the same common ground – SERVICE. To offer service to others for God’s greater glory, motivated by love in extending more and doing more than what is expected without counting the cost with the hope that others may take courage to do the same.
Indeed, two opposing realities to be joined are never impossible. Yes, there is an existing tension between material and spiritual things; a visible empty gap in the middle yet an avenue for God to manifest His presence. It is on this seemingly void space where mysteries come in, a sacred space that connects us to God. How wonderful it is to realize and be reminded that our mundane affairs can be and should be accompanied by our full dedication in serving God in whatever manner we can. By doings so, our responsibility as co-creator of God’s wondrous creation is highly exercise and at the same time, reap the fruits of our labors, with hearts full of gratitude, as we acknowledge God’s manifold grace working in our lives. DEO GRATIAS!

“Overcoming Credential Biases” - 14th Sunday of Ordinary Time

“Too much familiarity bridge contempt” - Jesus himself is not exempted of all biases and disdain by the people who really know Him because of His own credentials and family background. ‘Is he not the carpenter, the son of Mary?” Jesus’ experience of rejection by his countrymen would foreshadow the events that would take place in Jerusalem at the end of His earthly ministry. Jesus would experience betrayal by one apostle and denial by another. He would be mocked by His own people who could cry out for His crucifixion. All these He would endure so that we might have life and have it to the full.
Perhaps, it is inevitable that sometimes other people would ridicule or put us down because of who we are and what we have. Always remember, WE ARE NEVER ALONE! Jesus stands with us in our times of trial, giving us the grace to endure patiently with our sufferings. For him, human weakness is not so much a negative connotation but rather an avenue for God’s power to work in our lives; for whenever we are weak, then we are strong.
The gospel also reminds us to respect each individual with dignity regardless of his/her own credential.

The Power Called NOW

Im back!!! Nakakita ra jud ko time nga magsulat! Heheheh… This is my first time to write my personal experience after I decided to leave the place where I love most and where I discover my passion for writing – SEMINARY. Mao ni ga-sulat ko kay gimingaw nako mag-sulat. I really miss the joy of writing my own stories even if other people may not be fascinated with it… bahala mo basta magsulat ko…bwahahaha!!! I just wanted to quench my thirst for writing… hmmp, dili lang diay BEER ang makapa-uhaw nako!!!

I am now in the ‘outside world’ trying to compete with the competition called life. Life is indeed is somewhat an Olympics. Sounds PAULINE, isn’t it?! This is very much true. Life outside the seminary is always a ‘RUSH’ and those who run fast will surely win. I tried to prepare myself for this reality when I was still in the seminary but it seems that my preparation is not enough. The life in the ‘outside world’ is in contrast with the microcosm of the seminary in which I was accustomed to live.

After I left the seminary, I had hard time adjusting my schedules and quite busy searching for a living. Now, I am presently employed as a medical representative in a certain pharmaceutical company with a compensating salary and a private car for my mobilization (sosyal nuh?!) My work right now is a great shift from my previous kind of life. From poverty to luxury…char lang! From wearing ordinary shirts and plain clothes, now wearing somewhat executive suits..basta, sosi ang dating… From giving talks and recollections to students, now meeting and talking to doctors, nurses and pharmacists. From studying the dogmas and teachings of the church now I am quite busy memorizing generic names of the products and its components. From memorizing important verses in the bible to support some theological truths and arguments, now I find myself busy computing figures as a proof of my sales each day. My present work maximizes my passion to be with the people not just to those who are active in the parish but now extended to the people working in the medical field.

The work was great and full of excitement yet very much tiring. One essential thing that captured my attention and perhaps caused me to be discouraged was the realization that all relationship in the world of marketing was all superficial and shallow. In the corporate world, what matters most are figures…sales… money. Friendships are all secondary. You have to build relationship to prospect clients because you want something from them not because you like them. It is not about relationship but salesmanship. I am totally naïve in this field and therefore needs bigger adjustments on my part. It is so tempting to look back my seminary days with all its comforts and joys and blame myself of refusing to continue what I have started. I could still be enjoying such privilege if I did not decide to leave the seminary. But this is not what motivates my vocation to priesthood; that is why I am so happy of having this gift of courage to decide on my own and walk the path of uncertainty. This is not only for my own sake but for my beloved diocese as well. Though I am outside the structure of the seminary, I am still hopeful to be ordained at the right time with God’s grace and mercy.

My absence in the seminary does not mean taking the opposite but rather making the best way towards priesthood. I am contented of where I am right now, experiencing the fruitful yet challenging life outside the seminary that eventually pave the way to a more mature priesthood. This is the beauty of ‘PRESENT’; a good preparation of what is to come. This is the power called NOW. †

Too Young

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations. Then I said, Lord God! Truly I do not know how to speak, for I am only a boy"…(Jer. 1:4-6)

While reflecting on the profound calling of Jeremiah I could not help but to think back the genesis of my vocation, reminiscing those moments that through the course of time brought me to SJVTS. Those were experiences of unqualified moments of happiness and eagerness that I wanted to clench through the rest of my life because it shaped me to be come who I am right now. I don’t have any mystical experiences to share about my vocation that push me to enter the seminary. My entry to the seminary has been so ordinary. No surprises, no amazement. But it has a great impact on me, of course. People may not seem to notice the glow within me but it really speaks a lot to me. I was about to study in MSU hopeful to gain promising degree for my future but the moment I receive the letter informing me that I was accepted in the seminary every thing has changed. That letter became the turning point of my life. It really altered the course of my life. I entered the seminary with my own choosing filled with so much grace and hopeful that I may succeed and reach until ordination.
I was too young then but I gain the courage to decide on my own. I know not all would reach until ordination but my act of deciding is my initial yes to God’s invitation. It is my profound yes to this very different lifestyle; a yes to the long seminary formation; a yes to what I would be. This is who I am. This is my vocation.
August 4 was the feast day of St. John Vianney. Together with it was the installation of the ministry of the lectors and acolytes. There were many reasons to celebrate together with my brother seminarians and some friends and benefactors. It was indeed a time of jubilation but what was memorable to me was not the celebration itself but my realization with my response during the installation rite. “ANIA AKO!” I audaciously proclaim. It was a very ordinary response to an extraordinary calling. That simple phrase was the only entry I wrote in my journal during that day and I tried to translate it in Surigaonun to make it more personal.
Bishop Ledesma would say, “sayon lang litokon pero lison e-maintain labi na ug dasmagan na ug daghang pressure ug daghang academic requirements”. The words of Bishop Ledesma were actually true but for me it is not just about coping with pressures and works. “Anai ako” is about saying yes to the Lord. It is about freedom and commitment for service. It is about life.
It was my third time to pronounce that phrase in public but only this time that I had had the most memorable realization. I came to realize that simple response helps me to gradually detach myself from the normal and most common vocation which is marriage. It gently snatch me from committing the intimate relationship of married life which I am trying to sacrifice to live in a more meaningful and valuable way of living. It also prepares me to accept freely the greater challenge that needs a greatest response, that is, to say “ania ako” during the day of my ordination.
I might be too young to think about it and unworthy to look forward for my ordination. The journey is still quite long but I need to prepare myself and be ready to say “Jari na ako!”

“Silent Scream”

I laugh, I talk too much, I drink and worst I love night life (disco lang). I am a man of leisure. People describe me with such qualities. It may not be strange to other people for these qualities would probably common by most of the people living in a secular life. Indeed people outside appreciated me for who I am but not in the seminary. My life is somewhat contrary to what people perceive as a seminarian. I was branded as noisy person who always get drunk when weekend comes.

Living in the seminary is a serious journey and so it follows that it really needs a serious response. Considering my personality perhaps people would think that I am incapable in responding such serious demands. I may be judge as shallow person with only jokes and senseless thoughts in mind. I am not affected with this because I know myself more than they do. I am more than what they think. Human person cannot be judge with what can be perceived. They are absolutely wrong, and so, I just want people to know that I can do greater things and not just imprisoned by such description. I am noisy but I have a peaceful heart and mind who knows how to balance things. I talk too much but I know how to listen when somebody needs me and most especially to listen into the depths of my being. I drink and frequently get drunk but this is my way of recharging whenever I feel exhausted and a time to be with myself. I sometimes find myself in disco bars but I also find myself always in prayer and meditation. Though I look like very worldly through my words and actions I still maintain my intimate relationship with my God.

Through this personality I have gained lots of experiences and build up relationships to people I met in all walks of life. Every bit of experiences that I have with these people is an opportunity for me to reflect, to pray and to love.