Pagbaliktan-aw sa kagahapon
Tracing back the history of my vocation somehow encourages me to still continue this path that I am trudging right now. I would be deceiving myself if I would say that I did not experience any struggle as I tried to fulfill the demands of priestly formation. But this would not deter me from pursuing what I have started. Reminiscing my vocation history gave strength during the time when I was down. When I feel depressed, I would just trace back my history, especially the time when I was eager to follow Gods call, proud person that I was, enthusiastic to enter the seminary and confident enough to reach my destination. Remembering that one of those days in my life I became like a soldier who had a strong determination to win the fight.
Frankly speaking, I don’t have any religious experience, like what happened to Moses in the
Nobody commissioned me to enter the seminary. It was just my own free will and strong desire that caused me to end-up in this kind of life and I think I made the right decision because this is what makes me happy and contented. I find meaning of what I am doing.
The choice that I made gained many criticisms and objection from the people who are close to me. My parents did not object but they asked me if I was sure of my decision. But some people really objected knowing that I am the only son in the family. One question they asked which made me think deeply was “WHY PRIESTHOOD?”. I was moved with this and I really ask myself nganong magpari man kunuhay ko? As a tried to ponder on it I got some answers which I consider signs that I have the vocation. I have strong attraction to the sacred vessels and vestment of the priest. I find meaning living this kind of life and a strong desire to embrace priesthood. My answers may not satisfy them but it sustains my belief that I made the right decision. I am living inside the seminary for a quite long time, but my vocation remains a mystery and would always be a mystery. I will not waste my time searching for the best answers to rationalize my vocation because God knows what is in my heart more than I know myself. The fact that I am here is already a very significant sign that God has a plan for me. It may not be certain but the value of my faith is more than the value of certainty.
When I was in the college seminary sometimes my vocation became blurred especially when boredom and spiritual dryness struck my way. I got the chance to leave the formation for a period of time and at one point I said to myself, I will not continue my vocation and search for another road to trudge. But I was wrong; as time passed by when I was away from the care of the seminary I could not help missing my seminary life; to live the life that I was accustomed to live. Fortunately it was a time of renewal. The desire to continue was still burning in me which made me realize that I really have the vocation. It was a time of reassurance and affirmation that my decision is not just mine, but it is God’s plan for me. It is a gift from God that I should be grateful for. I do not know what lies ahead in this exodus of my vocation, but whatever I may be in the future I would offer it to God as a gift for His goodness to me. †